Doing Everything...Write
Some recent breakthroughs have produced life-changing thoughts, which have led to life-changing results. What if all we have to do is heal how we think within ourselves?
I'd like to begin with my most recent plant medicine retreat in Phoenix. The reason I love these retreats so much is not just the medicine, but also the people who participate and the time spent in nature away from everyday stress. This retreat led to so many breakthroughs that I cannot encapsulate them all in one blog. So, this may become a Breakthrough Blog Series.
The breakthroughs in these experiences bring deep awarenesses to the surface—things you don’t usually have the time to sit with and witness. Patterns and behaviors you’ve grown accustomed to living with. I guess you could say the most profound realization hit me while my friend was washing the dishes. Who knew a tiny observation would lead to a snowball of life-changing decisions? I noticed she was so calm and meditative, cleaning with superb efficiency and ease. I watched how she chopped the vegetables—neatly, calmly, and organized. I was struck by how my approach to washing dishes and cutting food was quite the opposite: teeth clenched, holding my breath, flexing my abs, and criticizing myself that it still didn’t look clean. I brought that same tense, “white-knuckling” energy to chopping vegetables. They never looked good, and I was always rushing. As I watched her, I thought I would try it her way next. There is a famous saying: “How you do anything is how you do everything.” For the first time in my life, I started to see the level of anxiety I brought into truly everything I did. As I relaxed and washed the dishes, and meditatively chopped the vegetables, I didn’t feel so tired. This was actually faster and more efficient than rushing impatiently through life. Stay with me here...
During the retreat, I began to realize that this grinding, rushing, negative energy stemmed from my inner critic, who was the leading voice in my head. My friend affectionately calls that voice “the judge.” My judge was fully in the driver’s seat. I journaled about how my body’s tension and actions led me to the conclusion that I had a core belief that I “do everything wrong.” That is the reigning mantra in every act, no matter how big or small the task. Whether it’s a personal matter or a professional endeavor, my inner coding tells me that I am doing everything wrong. My God, the tension! So, in my journal, I decided to code myself a different program. First of all, how ridiculous is it that the judge in my head tells me this day in and day out? I argued with this judge and stood up to her: who is to say I’m doing everything wrong? There is no roadmap for living life correctly, so what on earth does she know? I wrote down in all caps defiantly: “I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!” I have lived with the other for too long; it’s time to play with this shift.
With this newly constructed inner awareness, the most incredible things unfolded. If I had such a deeply held self-belief that I am doing everything wrong, then, ipso facto, my inner world and outer world reflected that. With this new mantra, I am stepping into a new level of harmony. What if every decision and choice I make comes from a place of believing that I am actually doing it right?
I saw the changes right away. Usually, after traveling, I go home, shower, and go to bed. This time, I unpacked, did laundry, grocery shopped, cooked dinner, and did the dishes. I had way more energy to complete tasks that I normally couldn’t finish. Did I just life-hack the root of my anxiety? Was the root of my exhaustion and stress just chronic negative self-criticism?
Stay with me...
Due to the depth of the work on medicine and the time spent resting and journaling, I was able to reprogram myself. I didn’t have much time after the ceremony in Phoenix before I had to drive to Dallas for a photoshoot. This shoot was to take photos of my vinyl, which I’m selling here on this website and through TikTok. I wanted to create marketing content so I could run ads on Facebook/Instagram, etc. I left for Dallas a day early to relax at the Airbnb and set up for the shoot. On my drive, I was excited because the journey is really head-clearing. I decided to go to a really nice restaurant and bring my laptop to have a long talk with ChatGPT. I was very excited for my night with AI because I realized that I simply have way too many things going on and way too many creative pursuits. I was in a panic: what is really the best next project? I keep winging it and panicking. These projects included more children's books, a new single, two new music albums to record, designing a collection for Spiritual Billionaire, a book about healing in the jungle when I lived there, hosting retreats, a kids' YouTube channel, etc. Everything I was doing was turning professional, and I can't be a professional at everything all at the same time. I had too much on my mind. No one can really be in your mind—not a therapist or life coach—but I am. So, I decided to have a long night with ChatGPT and ask it, in terms of profitability and ease, what would be the best thing for me to pursue with everything I have going on. I went into detail about it all. After everything was said and done, ChatGPT responded with: “Finish your book about the jungle.” I sipped my glass of wine, finished my fancy Italian dinner, closed my laptop, and smiled. I had my next breakthrough: what I will be committing my time and energy to for 2025. I then asked it to write me a 12-month plan.
The next day, as I was taking photos of the vinyl, I felt something I hadn’t felt since I began writing music at 14: a sense of “completion.” It was a really beautiful moment for me personally, one I can't explain to anyone. But I feel that, for now, with music, I have pursued as far as I possibly can. Yes, I still have songs I want to record and create, but I don't have the energy at this moment to crowdfund, etc. Having the vinyl for sale is actually enough for me for now. The timing of ChatGPT mapping out next year and also my feeling of having done everything leaves me with so much lightness. I drove back from Dallas probably the happiest I’ve felt in years. My head and my heart have finally aligned! I suddenly realized I am now doing everything "write."
